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Christmacide
I love Christmas, a lot. But I am so disgraced by the actions of some of our fellow Melbournians, that I feel compelled to expose their horrible deeds to you all. I'm talking about the scores of people who insist on murdering (no, the word is NOT too strong) the Christmas spirit on a large scale. It is called...
CHRISTMACIDE.
How do ordinary, Australian, well-meaning John Citizens like you and me commit this heineous crime? The answer is simple: by over-crowding their front yards with flashing neon Christmas-related paraphernalia.
Look, I'm not talking about a few strings of fairy lights, delicately strung up around a few trees in the front yard. I'm referring to the flashing reindeer, the inflatable Santa Clauses, the moving electronic nativity scenes, the St. Nick boots sticking out of the chimney... the 10-foot blow-up penguins. It's like a train wreck. No; it's like a mullet. It should NEVER be done, but when it happens, you CAN'T STOP staring at it. This mania has certainly gripped the eastern suburbs, and I wonder, HOW MUCH FURTHER HAS IT SPREAD?
I need your help, friends.
My friends, let’s work together to expose ‘Christmacide 2006’. Help me, be on the look out, as we attempt to expose these hideous eyesores all for the disgust and enjoyment of the rest of us.
James Cutler
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