Tag Archive for 'humour'

Men spend six months ogling women

I always knew I was above average:

The average British male spends six months of his life ogling women, a new study reveals. The first thing the average bloke will look at is the breasts before working down to the bottom and then the legs.

Men Ogling Women

From ananova.com

I am superman

Well, I’m not really superman. But then again, that’s exactly what Clark Kent would say if you asked him, isn’t it? ;)

I am Superman

Superman
65%
Spider-Man
65%
The Flash
60%
Green Lantern
60%
Iron Man
55%
Supergirl
50%
Hulk
50%
Wonder Woman
45%
Batman
45%
Robin
42%
Catwoman
25%
You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.
Superman

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

A Christmas Story

‘Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa”, what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money, The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes - if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days, they all are the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls… their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s - No request for them,
They want computers and robots… they think I’m IBM!

Flying through the air, dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I’m going SOUTH for the season